Emptying “Myself” and Gaining a New Heart

 

Emptying “Myself” and Gaining a New Heart

By: Kim Ha-eun (Short-Term Missionary to Kenya)

Although I wanted to live a “good” life when I grew up, things didn’t go as planned once I entered college. I couldn’t let go of my obsession with prestigious universities, so I couldn’t adapt to the school I attended. After taking a leave of absence, I tried again, but the results were not as good as I imagined. Since there was still some time before I could return to school, I decided to work and earn money first.

For two to three months, I slept only five hours a day and worked twelve hours a day. Although I made some money, I became physically and mentally exhausted. Later, someone recommended I join an overseas volunteer program, so I went to Kenya.

Two months after arriving in Kenya, my heart was filled with painful thoughts. Life there was nothing like I had imagined. Whatever I did, I constantly complained. Even after some time passed, I was bound by the thought, “Nothing is changing, and I’m not learning anything.” Eventually, I even thought about going back to Korea.

One day, I had a conversation with the missionary’s wife. She shared with me Job 23:10–14:

“Many people come here to do something for themselves, but in fact, this time is for God to empty you of yourself. Although outwardly it seems like nothing is changing, as the Word says, this is the process of being refined like gold through trials.”

She then said, “God knows the way you take, and if you are united with His will, He will surely fulfill it. It is God who sent you here.”

Hearing this, a new thought arose in me: “If it is God who brought me here, then no matter how unchanged I may appear to be, God is leading me.” I became certain that God was working in me and revealing Himself to me. Instead of judging through my own eyes, I began to see with the heart of God revealed through His Word. And then, everything stopped being a problem.

One day, the missionary talked to each team member in Kenya about their dreams. He said to me, “In the future, why don’t you become the vice director of the hospital we will build in Kenya? It may sound like a joke, but if you say ‘Amen,’ it will be fulfilled in 10 years.”

I was born into a Christian family, but the church did not hold a big place in my heart, and I wasn’t really interested in God. I had always been curious about why, even though we’re all saved, some people devote their lives to the gospel while others easily drift away from God.

One day, as I was reading the Bible, 1 Corinthians 15:19 deeply touched me:

“If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” (1 Corinthians 15:19)

As the verse says, “Even though I am saved, if all I look forward to are the precious and desirable things of this world, then I am more miserable than those who are not even saved.” At that moment, a desire to live for the gospel arose in me.

If I were in Korea, I would probably just work as a clinical laboratory scientist. But now, I want to be led by the church, be used in the precious work of the gospel, and help many people receive salvation. Just like the missionary said, if a hospital is built in Kenya, I want to work there.

Later, we went to other parts of Nairobi to hold a one-month gospel event. We spread the news of the gathering, invited many people, met with them in different areas, and preached the gospel. Kenya is a Christian country, so people were generally open to conversations about faith. Of course, some were too busy or held onto wrong beliefs, but through the work of sharing the gospel, my heart was filled with thankfulness.

Once, when I went to another church to promote our event, I was shocked by what I saw. People were crying and shouting in prayer, and some even collapsed. Seeing them broke my heart but also made me grateful that I grew up in a church where I heard the true gospel and received grace.

Another time, a person I met while promoting the event came to the gathering and received salvation. During the outreach, I often felt tired, complained, and didn’t want to keep going. But when I thought about how people came through me, heard the Word, received salvation, and began a new life, my heart overflowed with gratitude and joy.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10)

I thank God for emptying me over the past year, giving me a new heart that I could never have produced on my own, and using me in the work of the gospel.

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I Am the Light of the World

By: Baek Yong-gwang (Short-Term Missionary to the Philippines)

I went to the Philippines for an overseas volunteer mission because I wanted to experience a happiness I had never felt before in a different world and to change myself.

When I was in my second year of middle school, I was diagnosed with lupus, a rare disease. After taking a leave of absence from school, I underwent treatment in the hospital for two years. At first, I thought I would recover quickly after being hospitalized, but as time passed, my condition worsened. One day, after long treatment, I came to the brink of death. My heart was filled with emptiness and darkness. That was when I earnestly sought God.

Hearing the testimonies of senior volunteers who returned from overseas missions gave me the strength to rise again. I wanted to experience that same joy and healing that could only be found through overseas volunteer work. I longed to escape the darkness.

Because I had been in the hospital for so long, I lived with a constant sense of being unwanted, believing, “People won’t like me.” I thought going to the Philippines would change me, but I was still afraid of meeting new people.

One day, missionary Nam Kyung-hyun shared with me John 8:12:

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”

The people who received blessings in the Bible were those who followed the Light—
the Samaritan woman, the man sick for 38 years, the widow of Zarephath. Because they had no light of their own, when they followed the Light, they were blessed. The missionary said that when you follow Jesus, the Light, the darkness naturally disappears.

This Word became my path. I had always been in darkness with nowhere to go, but this Word became my light. I believed, “If I follow this path, the darkness will naturally fade away.” And just like that, I was set free from darkness.

In September last year, I spent unforgettable days in San Jose del Monte preparing for the Philippine World Summer Camp. I was so happy to work with 300 university student volunteers to prepare for the event. There, I met Louisa, for whom I am deeply grateful.

Louisa’s life was full of hardships. Her father was hospitalized with liver disease, and although her mother worked, it was not enough. Her life had never known peace.

I shared my story with Louisa, and she was amazed to see how I had overcome sickness and darkness and found happiness. Wanting to learn more about the Word that changed me, she came to the IYF center and joined further fellowship. Eventually, Louisa received salvation. I could see that she was no longer being pulled by darkness but was now following the Light. Watching her, I felt the true sweetness of the gospel.

When I returned to Korea for the presentation tour, I used my multimedia skills to work with the media team. Before the tour, I produced the opening video for the Philippine cultural dance performance. As the tour went on, I captured through video how God worked to make the tour wonderful and perfect.

Before the tour began, our preparations were incomplete, but once it started, I saw how God filled in everything. I personally experienced how God turns what is humanly impossible into reality, and I gave thanks to Him.

After returning to Korea, I met my doctor. When I first told him about joining the mission, he said it was not the right time and advised me not to go. But after seeing me upon my return, he joyfully said I looked healthier than before.

Before I knew about my illness, I had lived entirely by my own strength. But through this disease, God showed me that I have nothing to boast of—except for Jesus in my heart.

If it weren’t for this illness, I would have lived a life completely unrelated to God. This disease was not a curse but peace—an immense gift meant to reveal God’s glory. I want to follow the Light—Jesus—and become a light to those around me.

倒空“我”之后，获得了新心

作者：金夏恩（肯尼亚短期宣教士）

 

我虽然长大后想“好好”生活，但是从上大学开始就不尽人意。我无法放弃对名牌大学的迷恋，所以无法适应所读大学的生活。虽然休学后，我重新挑战了一次，但结果没有想象中那么好。因为离重新回校复学还有一段时间，所以我决定先赚钱。每天我就睡5个小时，工作12个小时。两三个月期间，我一直重复着这样的生活，虽然挣了钱，但是身心都疲惫了。后来，我受人推荐参加了海外志愿侍奉，去了肯尼亚。

去肯尼亚两个月后，各种想法让我很痛苦。那里没有想象中那么幸福，无论做什么事情，我都是抱怨不断。因此，去肯尼亚后，虽然过了一段时间，但我一直被“没有什么变化，学不到东西”的想法所束缚。最终，我产生了想回韩国的想法。

后来，我和师母做了交流。师母给我讲了《约伯记》23章10~14节中的话语。“来这里的时候，大部分人都是为了自己而做些什么，但事实上这段时间是神为了让我们倒空自己。虽然在我们看来，表面上没有什么变化，但正如话语所说，这是试炼成为精金的过程。”师母接着说：“神知道你走的路，如果和神的旨意合一，神就一定会成就。把你送到这里的是神。”

“如果把我送到这里的是神，那么在我看来，再怎么没有变化的我，也是神在引领着。”我产生了这样的心。神分明要在我身上做工，并向我显现。我心里认定了神。不是用我的眼睛去看和判断，而是用通过话语显现出来的神的心去看，那么一切都不成为问题。

一天，宣教士向肯尼亚的每一位团员讲述了关于梦想的话题。宣教士对我说：“以后你成为在肯尼亚建立的医院的副院长吧！虽然听起来像是开玩笑，但如果你说‘阿们’的话，10年后就会原本成就。”

我出生在得救的家庭里，但教会在我心里的分量并不大，我对神也不感兴趣。即使同样得救了，有人为了福音而奉献自己的人生，而有人却如此轻易地离开神，对此我非常好奇。

一天，我读圣经的时候，《哥林多前书》15章19节中的话语给我留下了深刻的印象。

“我们若靠基督只在今生有指望，就算比众人更可怜。”（林前15:19）

正如话语所说，“虽然得救了，但如果我所期待的只是这个世上珍贵、人人向往的东西，那么这比所有人，即没有得救的人还要可怜。”我心里也产生了为福音生活的心。

如果我在韩国，我会做普通的临床病理师的工作，但我想在教会里接受引导，在宝贵的福音工作上被使用，使许多人得救。就像宣教士对我说的梦想一样，如果在肯尼亚建立医院，我想在那里工作。

此后，我们前往首都内罗毕的其他地区举行了为期一个月的聚会。我们四处宣传聚会的消息，邀请许多人，还到各个地区与很多人见面，给他们传福音。肯尼亚是基督教国家，与人交谈时人们很容易接受。当然，也有一些不听且自称很忙的人，也有一些抱着错误的信念说话的人。但是通过宣传和传福音，我里面产生了许多感谢的心。

有一次，为了宣传我们的聚会，我去访问了一个教会。这是我第一次去其他教会，我被他们的样子震惊了。人们哭喊着祷告，有些人甚至还晕倒了。看到他们的样子，我心里很不是滋味。同时，我又感谢自己蒙到了这样的恩典，听到了真正的福音，在我们教会里长大。

还有一次，一个在宣传聚会时遇到的人来参加聚会后，得救了。我在进行宣传的过程中，有疲惫的时候，也有抱怨的时候，也有不想做的时候。虽然我有力地传了福音，也不太有信心，但是一想到人们通过我来参加聚会，听话语得救，过上了新的生活，我心里非常感谢和幸福。

“然而他知道我所行的路；他试炼我之后，我必如精金。”（伯23:10）

感谢神在过去的一年里倒空了我，给了我无法拥有的崭新的心，让我在福音的工作上被使用。

 

 

 

 

我是世界的光

作者：白荣光（菲律宾短期宣教士）

 

我去菲律宾参加了海外志愿侍奉。去海外做志愿活动的理由是，我想感受从未感受过的来自不同世界的幸福，也想改变自己。

我上初二的时候，得了一种叫作狼疮的罕见病。休学后，我在医院接受了长达2年的治疗。刚开始，我以为住院后很快就会好起来，但随着时间的推移，我的身体变得越来越差。一天，经过持续的治疗，我站在了死亡的边缘。死亡让我的心充满了空虚和黑暗。那时，我恳切地寻求了神。对于长期和病魔斗争且濒临死亡的我来说，从海外志愿侍奉回来的前辈团员们的体验感言，成为了让我重新站起来的新动力。因此，我也想品尝只有通过海外志愿活动才能发现的经历和幸福。我想从黑暗中解脱出来。

我在医院待了很长时间，所以觉得“人们不会喜欢我”，一直生活在被害意识中。我以为去菲律宾会有所改变，但我仍然害怕遇到陌生人。

有一天，南景铉宣教士对我讲了《约翰福音》8章12节中的话语。

“耶稣又对众人说：‘我是世界的光。跟从我的，就不在黑暗里走，必要得着生命的光。’”

《圣经》里蒙到祝福的人都是跟从光的人。

撒玛利亚妇人、三十八年的病人、撒勒法寡妇，因为自己没有光，所以跟从光之后蒙到了祝福。宣教士说，只要跟从成为光的耶稣，黑暗自然就会褪去。

这话语成了我的道路。我总是处于黑暗之中，无路可走，这话语对我来说就是光。我相信“跟随这条路，黑暗就会自然而然地褪去”之后，从黑暗中脱离出来了。

去年9月，为了准备菲律宾世界夏季令营，我在圣何塞德尔蒙特城度过了难忘的时间。与300名大学生志愿者一起准备活动，我感到非常高兴、幸福。此外，我还认识了路易莎，非常感谢。路易莎身处重重困难之中，她父亲因肝病躺在医院里，母亲虽然工作，但挣的钱远远不够。路易莎的生活从未有过平安。

我给路易莎讲了我的故事。路易莎对我摆脱病痛和黑暗、变得幸福的样子感到很惊讶。她想更详细地了解改变我的话语，于是亲自来到菲律宾IYF中心，进行了进一步的交流。路易莎终于接受了福音。我能看到她不再被黑暗牵引，而是接受了光的引导。看着路易莎，我也感受到了福音的真正味道。感谢神把我作为福音的工具来使用。

今年进行回国发表会时，因为我的专业是多媒体制作，所以我利用专业强项，与影像组一起参与了发表会。巡演前，我负责制作菲律宾舞蹈演出的前奏视频。巡回演出开始后，我通过视频记录了神如何将回国发表会巡回演出变得精彩，以及神是如何做工的。

参与活动的时候，在巡回演出开始之前，回国发表会的准备还不够完善，但在巡回演出开始的同时，我看到了神填满了一切。我亲身经历了神将人不可能做到的事情变成了可能，向神献上感谢。

回到韩国后，我见到了我的主治医生。刚开始，我说要去海外做志愿侍奉的时候，他说还不是时候，劝我不要去。但回来后见到我时，他很高兴地说我比去之前健康多了。

直到我知道得了狼疮这种病之前，我一直相信自己生活了。通过病，我知道了我是没什么可炫耀的人。神让我知道，如果有什么可炫耀的，就只有我内心的耶稣。

如果不是因为生病，我会过着与神毫无相关的生活。这病不是灾祸，而是平安，是为了显现神荣耀的巨大礼物。我要跟从光——耶稣，也想成为周围人的光。