The Most Beautiful Treasure
"That's nothing, I will help you!" This was the final sentence my son, Eun-sang, spoke during his testimony at the Overseas Volunteer Group’s presentation in February. Eun-sang is not usually a bold child, yet listening to his personal experiences, all the works God has performed in our family flashed through my mind like a moving lantern. I thank God for His astonishing and profound love. Today, with tears in my eyes, I have finished writing this article.
When Eun-sang was young, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, a type of autism spectrum disorder. He struggled to listen and empathize with others, often failing to grasp the meaning behind words, which made communication extremely difficult.
Once, Eun-sang was late for school. When he returned home, I anxiously asked,
"Eun-sang, didn’t the teacher scold you?"
"No, she didn’t scold me at all. She praised me instead."
That day, the teacher said, “Eun-sang, you arrived so quickly! Excellent work!” Eun-sang could only understand the words literally, missing the sarcasm. There were countless moments when he felt embarrassed because he couldn’t understand what others meant.
His motor skills were also very poor. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t ride a two-wheeled bicycle until middle school. Add his stubbornness and strong attachment to his own things, and I never imagined he could interact with other children. At school, he was often excluded, had no friends, and mostly kept to himself. Gradually, he became withdrawn, eventually unable to perform even simple tasks independently.
I first noticed Eun-sang’s unusual symptoms when he was 37 months old. We visited the pediatrics department for vaccinations, and the doctor pointed out that he had poor eye contact and delayed language development. We were advised to go to child psychiatry for language therapy. The psychiatrist told me: “The child is still young. Mom, make eye contact, read to him, and talk with him often—this will help!”
From that moment, my extreme parenting journey began. I dreamed of perfect parenting. Books filled every corner of our home, even the walls, and I read to him constantly. Yet, no matter how hard I tried, he did not grow as I had envisioned.
The Burden of Sin Felt Heavier Than Parenting Challenges
When it was time to send Eun-sang to kindergarten, I hesitated to entrust him to a private institution and chose one run by a church. However, only those who had listened to God’s Word and become saints could attend. Normally, I did not like going to church, but I went to attend the Word for a week in order to enroll him.
From that moment, I experienced a deep and unfamiliar pain. People at church said: “We are all sinners, but Jesus bore our sins and died on the cross.” I could understand this theoretically but could not grasp: “How does Jesus relate to me, that my sins are forgiven?” I felt frustrated. The weight of sin grew heavier in my heart than the concerns about Eun-sang.
I attended a three-month course for new believers without missing a single day, read church publications, and consulted with many coworkers, yet my doubts only multiplied. The problem of sin remained unresolved.
How Could They Know My Heart So Precisely?
After nearly a year of painful searching, I reached my limit and decided to seek guidance from a sister at Good News Mission. Previously, I had kept my distance from her because she went to church, but this time, I called her. She introduced me to Gwangju Church.
I attended the fall Bible evangelism meeting and began reading the Good News monthly magazine given to me by the pastor’s wife. Reading Pastor Park Ok-soo’s sermons, I felt electrified: “This church is extraordinary! How do they know my heart so deeply?” I had always hidden my true self, yet it felt as if my inner being had been captured by a spiritual camera, revealing even my flaws.
However, as I continued reading, I realized that my flaws were not a problem. Instead, I felt a sense of freedom and joy I had never experienced. After reading the Word, I felt as if I had discovered a treasure, overflowing with joy. I believed my sins were completely washed away. I felt that coming here meant that all the problems in my life could be resolved.
At the evangelism meeting, I heard 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” This became a profound blessing in my heart. I believed God would surely oversee Eun-sang’s transformation into a new creation in Christ Jesus, as well as the future of our family.
My Son and I Were Almost Becoming Monsters
Joy, however, was temporary. When Eun-sang entered elementary school, he struggled to adapt. He often sat alone in a corner, spoke to no one, and could not engage in normal school life due to deep-seated inferiority and stubbornness. I was frequently called to school. At times, he struck friends in self-defense, and I had to kneel to apologize to the victims’ parents. The adorable child I had given birth to seemed gone; I felt as if I were raising a monster.
With these challenges, and my lack of faith in the Word, I felt like I was turning into a monster too. We tried various psychiatric treatments, but nothing worked. “Korea won’t work. We should go to the U.S., where autism care is better.” As a former nurse, I had earned U.S. certification, but immigration policies blocked my employment opportunities. The struggles with Eun-sang led to frequent arguments with my husband, and I even considered divorce several times.
The Day My Heart Collapsed
One day, Eun-sang didn’t return home on time. I searched near the school and found a child surrounded and mocked by others in a piano lesson alley. “Please don’t be Eun-sang… please don’t…” It was him. “Wow, so many kids around Eun-sang! He must be popular!” Although the immediate crisis passed, my heart collapsed. I realized that if my husband and I were gone, Eun-sang could not live normally. For the first time, my inner voice said: “You cannot do this.” I felt trapped in a long dark tunnel. “Who will hold my hand? Please help me!”
Jeremiah 2:13 says: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” Although I had heard the Gospel, I had abandoned the Word and tried to draw from a broken cistern—this was my state until then.
The Word Contained Everything About Our Family
When Eun-sang entered middle school, the church held a major evangelism meeting. Pastor Park Ok-soo preached from Hebrews 10:14: “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy,” and John 19:30: “It is finished.” These Words spoke to both Eun-sang and me.
I recalled a fable: A temple abbot drew a circle in the courtyard and told a mischievous novice: “If you stay inside, you will starve; if you go outside, you will be expelled.” The novice, wanting neither hunger nor expulsion, erased the circle with a broom.
Just like the novice erased the circle, I let go of my previous parenting methods. From that moment, I believed in the Word: “It is finished.” Everything about Eun-sang and our family is contained in “It is finished!” I resolved to raise Eun-sang relying on the Word.
“Eun-sang Has Changed So Much”
At our church, a blind sister faithfully serves every day. When I practiced choir, I asked her to guide Eun-sang. Each week, she had him read Pastor Park Ok-soo’s sermon from the Good News magazine aloud, planting the Word deeply in his heart. I applied the Words he accepted to his daily life.
Soon, a miracle occurred. The Word entered the heart of a child who seemed monstrous, breaking his stubbornness. He became flexible, could listen to others, interact with peers, felt free, and spoke more joyfully. One day he said: “Mom, I feel like I’ve always been an untamed wild horse.”
After about two months, the school called: “What treatment did you give Eun-sang? He has changed so much!” The school introduced other struggling parents to me, allowing me to counsel them and share the Gospel.
Erasing the Circle of “Cannot”
The day Eun-sang first rode a bicycle was unforgettable. He shouted: “I can’t!” I said: “You can! There is nothing you cannot do. You are complete. Let’s erase the circles of ‘cannot’ one by one!”
In just two hours, the child who had spent six years trying could ride a bicycle. That day, we hugged and cried in the street, overwhelmed with joy. Planting the mindset “You are complete; you can do it” in his heart brought me immense happiness and gratitude.
From then on, whenever he faced limits, Eun-sang used the Word to fight and overcome. In kendo belt exams, cello lessons, and marathons, he consistently erased the circles of “cannot,” building spiritual resilience. Before entering high school, he chose to attend Lincoln School in Gangneung, affiliated with our mission church.
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