The Story of My Early Mission Days
Brazil — The Country That Blessed My Life and Soul Abundantly
Family photo taken after arriving in the mission field
Just like Jacob, who received blessings through what Rebekah prepared for him, without the grace of God, I could never have smiled. God placed me in a situation where, if not for Him, there was absolutely nothing else I could rely on. Brazil is the most blessed country for me, the place where my life and soul were moved from “serving God” to “only serving God.”
By Missionary Kim
Brazil is the fifth-largest country in the world by land area, with both its territory and population accounting for half of the entire South American continent. Unlike other countries in the region that speak Spanish, Brazil is the only one that speaks Portuguese. Until now, this nation has had no war, no racial discrimination, and no earthquakes. Catholicism is the dominant religion, but Protestant churches are growing rapidly.
I Was Someone Who Could Do Nothing in the Mission Field
God worked in me in the mission field, stripping me completely bare. Just as Paul testified in 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead.”
In Korea, I used to solve problems based on experience and ability, but in Brazil, I became someone who could do nothing on my own—like a blind man who cannot see, a deaf man who cannot hear, and a mute who cannot speak.
I desperately didn’t want to disappoint the church and the servant of God who sent me to the mission field. I wanted to make them proud. But the reality was the opposite. Faced with difficulties, I became weak and powerless.
At first, I struggled, telling myself, “The harder it gets, the more I must calm my heart and rely on the Word.” But in truth, I was like Esau, who was cursed. Esau trusted his own hunting skills to meet his father’s expectations. Likewise, I ran with zeal and willpower. But instead of succeeding, I only ended up disappointing the pastor who had sent me in faith. I fell into a deep, dark hole of difficulty. My thoughts became isolated, like being locked in a prison cell.
Living in Someone Else’s Home — Even Drinking Water Had to Be Restricted
When we first arrived in São Paulo, God connected us to a Korean family. Though it was temporary, they gave up their bedroom for us and moved to the living room themselves.
We wanted to find our own place quickly, but to rent a house required meeting many conditions, such as having at least two guarantors. It wasn’t something money alone could solve.
For someone like me, who had only ever lived in Korea, dealing with Brazilian real estate agents was beyond frustrating. Their slow, careless way of handling things was torture for someone used to Korea’s efficiency. That was when I learned the true meaning of “patience.”
Our family of four lived in a small bedroom with only our carry-on luggage. As time passed, I felt increasingly guilty toward the family hosting us. Even to use the bathroom, we had to pass through their living room. So to avoid disturbing them at night, we restricted our water intake in the evenings. Living in someone else’s house was not easy.
On the 54th Day After Arrival, God Gave Us a House
After arriving in Brazil, there wasn’t much we could do, so I mainly read the Bible. One day, I came across Genesis 8. Noah’s ark had come to rest on Mount Ararat, but because of the floodwaters, Noah and his family could not open the door. After forty days, he sent out a raven, which did not return. Then he sent out a dove to see if the waters had receded. The dove found no place to land and returned to the ark. Seven days later, he sent the dove again, and it came back carrying a freshly plucked olive leaf—a sign that the waters had dried up.
God had brought us to São Paulo, but we still couldn’t unpack our suitcases. For more than a month, we lived out of our carry-on bags.
While reading, I thought, “Just as the dove brought back the olive leaf, God will place the house key in my hand.”
Not long after, just 50 meters from the house we were temporarily staying in, I saw a sign: “Apartment for Rent.” I spoke with the landlady, and she said we could move in immediately and handed me the keys. That day was the 54th day since we had arrived in São Paulo.
God’s guidance was so clear and detailed that even the Korean family hosting us was amazed and thankful. The new place was an apartment—not suitable for holding services. But thankfully, that same Korean family offered us their basement to use as our first worship place.
From Illegal Residents to Permanent Residents — Experiencing “Jehovah Jireh” Again
Our family entered Brazil on a tourist visa, valid for only 15 days. Even if extended, we would become illegal residents after 30 days. In the end, we became undocumented.
From January 30, 1998, we were officially illegal residents. Renting a house or opening a phone line under my name was impossible. We needed permanent residency.
Every ten years, Brazil issues an amnesty. One day, I saw a Korean newspaper article: President Fernando would issue a special amnesty in September granting permanent residency to all illegal residents who entered the country before May of that year.
If we had arrived in June, we would not have qualified. But God knew everything and brought us in January. We obtained permanent residency that year by paying only a small amount of tax. Truly, this was “Jehovah Jireh”—God who provides.
Being Kicked Out Was Also God’s Guidance
Like adjusting to a new time zone, after one or two months, our family slowly adapted to life in São Paulo. The children couldn’t understand anything but were allowed to sit in classrooms as auditing students. We also began learning Portuguese at a missionary language school.
Then one day, a guest from Korea arrived at the house we were staying in. This man, a deacon from a regular Korean church, had previously lived in Brazil and was very close to the family. When he heard we belonged to the Good News Mission, his attitude changed drastically. He spoke ill of us, sowed suspicion, and ruined our relationship with the hosts.
After living like family for ten months, Satan used this man’s visit to work. The hostess eventually instructed her housekeeper to move all our worship equipment out to the front of our apartment building. We were being kicked out. Seeing the instruments, blackboard, and other worship items piled up outside was a huge shock.
I had always been someone who could fall asleep immediately, but that night, I couldn’t sleep at all. For three days, I was sleepless, hurt by betrayal and overwhelmed by despair. But this too was God’s training—like an eagle pushing its chicks out of the nest to make them fly.
“This Is God’s Doing!” — A House Full of Dead Cockroaches
Afterward, God led us to a Korean neighborhood called Bom Retiro. We needed a house we could use for worship. But people avoided us once they heard we belonged to the Good News Mission, and no one would co-sign for us.
I told the real estate agent,
“I have no guarantor except God.”
Then I visited a house. As soon as I opened the door, my wife screamed and stepped back. The floor was covered with countless dead cockroaches.
I thought, “God filled this house with cockroaches so no one else would want it.”
Since it had been vacant for a long time, the landlord accepted just three months’ deposit in place of a guarantor. It had bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, parking space, and most importantly, a perfect space for worship. We hung a small sign outside: “Good News São Paulo Church.”
But among the Korean immigrant community, our mission was regarded as a cult. We were often despised and persecuted. Ironically, this made our church’s name more widely known.
In a Prison-like Environment, the Word Became the Only Good News
About a year after arriving, we spent our first Christmas in the mission field. There was no one in the chapel except our family. It felt like no one would ever get saved here, and our language study was reaching its limit.
The word “São Paulo” began to sound hateful to me. My smile disappeared. I didn’t want to stay in Brazil for even a second longer. I lost 14 kilograms, my clothes hung loose, my heart and mind were exhausted, and my wife and I constantly argued. Despair overshadowed me completely.
I began to question: “God helped us get permanent residency and a house. Why won’t He allow people to be saved? Why do they like our church but always leave?” I was trapped in a hopeless prison of my own thoughts.
“Look at the Bronze Serpent and Live” — The Word Became Light
One day, a package arrived from Korea containing a cassette tape of Pastor Ock Soo Park’s Sunday sermon. Back then, unlike now, we couldn’t listen online.
The sermon was about the bronze serpent in Numbers 21—a passage I knew well and had preached many times. But that day, the message struck me deeply. It felt as if the Word was shouting at my snake-bitten, dying heart:
“Look at the bronze serpent and live!”
The Word became the only good news in my heart. It showed me clearly how I should live—not by struggling to change my environment, but by faith.
From “Serving God” to “Only Serving God”
Amazingly, the environment didn’t change afterward, but my heart did. Through the Word, I once again stood up with the heart to “live by Jesus and by the gospel.”
God brought me into the wilderness of Brazil to show me that everything I relied on without Him was meaningless.
Jacob could only receive blessings using what his mother prepared. It wasn’t through his own ability. Likewise, until I relied only on the Word and the guidance God prepared through the church and the servant of God, He did not work in me.
Without God’s grace, I could not smile. God placed me where there was no one else to depend on but Him and led me to walk the path of faith.
Brazil is the country that moved my life and soul from “serving God” to “only serving God.”
宣教初期的故事
使我的生活与灵魂都蒙到莫大祝福的国家——巴西
来宣教后的家人合影
就像用利百加所准备的蒙到祝福的雅各一样，我若没有神的恩典，也绝对不可能笑出来。神把我放到了若不是神，再没有其他可依靠的位置。巴西是把我的生活和灵魂，从“侍奉神生活”挪移到“只侍奉神生活”的最蒙福的国家。
巴西是全世界国土面积第五大国家，领土面积及人口数量都占南美大陆的一半。除巴西以外的其他国家使用的都是西班牙语，只有巴西使用的是葡萄牙语。迄今为止，这个国家没有战争，没有人种差别，也没有地震。这个国家的宗教是以天主教为中心。不过，现在新教变得越来越壮大。
在宣教地，我是一个什么也做不了的人
神在宣教地做了把我彻底剥掉、倒空的工作。就像保罗在《哥林多后书》1章9节中做的见证一样：“自己心里也断定是必死的，叫我们不靠自己，只靠叫死人复活的神。”在这里，神把在韩国凭借丰富的经验就可以处理事情的我，变成了凭借自己什么也做不了的人，就像看不见的瞎子，听不见的聋子，说不了话的哑巴一样。
我特别不想让差遣我做宣教工作的教会和神的仆人失望，很想让他们开心。但现实却恰恰相反。在困难的环境面前，我变得越来越软弱无力。刚开始，我努力挣扎着，心想：“越是这样，越得静下心来，依靠话语。”这样的我，就像被咒诅的以扫一样。以扫善于打猎，他觉得自己可以充分满足父亲的要求。以扫的样子，就像凭着热心和意志奔跑的我一样。我不但没有做好，反而让凭信心把我派来的牧师心里很不舒服。我掉进了如同黑洞一样的困难中，想法变得孤立，就像是被关进了监狱一样憋闷。
住在别人家，连喝水都要节制的生活
抵达圣保罗时，在神的帮助下，我们与一个韩国家庭取得了联系。虽然只是临时的，但这户人家把卧室让给了我们，他们自己住到了客厅里。我们很想赶紧找到房子搬出去，但要租房子，我们很难满足至少得有两个担保人等很多限制条件。这不是有钱就能行的事。
对于只在韩国生活过的我来说，巴西的房地产中介让人郁闷得要死。他们处理事情拖拖拉拉是基本常态，进行得很慢，我们只能干等着。对于已经习惯了韩式快速处理事情方式的我来说，这无异于“严刑拷问”。这段时间，我深切地体会到了“忍耐”这两个字的滋味。
一家四口只带着随身行李住在别人家的卧室里，找不到房子，时间越长，越觉得对不住那家人。要去卫生间，需要穿过客厅。所以，我们为了尽量不在夜里起夜，必须控制喝水。住在别人家，真不是一件容易的事。
在我入境54天后，神让我得到房子
到达巴西后，要做的事情，以及自己能做的事情不多，所以我主要是看《圣经》。一天，我读了《创世记》8章。挪亚方舟停在亚拉腊山上，但因洪水太大，挪亚一家人无法开门出来。过了四十天，挪亚才打开窗户放出一只乌鸦去，乌鸦却没回来。挪亚又放出一只鸽子去，要看看水退了没有。鸽子没有落脚的地方，重新回到方舟。过了七天，挪亚又放鸽子出去，它叼着一个新拧下来的橄榄叶子回来了。挪亚由此得知“地上的水干了”的好消息。神让我们一家人抵达了目的地圣保罗，却没法打开行李。一个多月的时间，我们一直带着随身行李生活着。
读《圣经》时，我有了这样的心：“就像鸽子叼着新拧下来的橄榄叶子回来一样，神也会把房子的钥匙交在我手里的。”一次，我恰巧在离我暂住的房子50米远的地方，看到了贴着“出租公寓”的牌子。我见了女主人，询问了租房子的事情，她说可以马上搬进去住，并把房子钥匙交给了我。那天，是我们到达圣保罗后的第54天。
神如此明确、细致地引导我们，连接待我们的韩国一家人都感到神奇、感谢。我们搬去的地方是公寓，在那里没办法做礼拜。庆幸的是，最初与我们连接的韩国人把他们自己家的地下室腾出来，让我们用来做礼拜、聚会。
从非法滞留者，到获得永久居住权——再次经历“耶和华以勒”
我们一家人是用“旅游签证”入境巴西的，最多只能停留15天。就算去申请延长一次，也只是浪费钱，因为再过15天，我们还是会成为非法滞留者。反正左右都是非常滞留者，倒不如跟第一次一样非法居留。除此之外，似乎也没有其他良策了。
于1998年1月15日入境巴西的我们一家人，从1月30日起，就成了非法居留者。以非法居留者的身份，我们做什么都不容易。当时，最着急的事情，就是得找到用来做礼拜的房子，但我以非法居留者的身份是不可能租到房子的。电话也不能用我的名义开通。我们要在巴西生活，必须得取得永住权。
巴西每隔十年，会有一次特赦令。一次偶然的机会，我在韩人新闻上看到了一则报道：9月，费尔南多总统会颁布特赦令，给所有非法居留者永住权。更加惊人的是，特赦条件为：“只要是当年5月份以前入境的人，都可以得到赦免。”
如果我们6月份来这里，就算下达了特赦令，我们也得不到永住权。神早就知道了这一切，所以引导我们，让我们一月份就来到了这里。现在再回想神明确又细致的引导，我还是感到那么神奇、感谢。那年，我们一家四口，只交了很少的一点税，就通过特赦令获得了可以永远居住的永住权。这分明是“耶和华以勒”的神。
从那个家里被赶出来，也是神引导我们的过程
就像去遥远的国度要适应时差一样，我们一家人来到圣保罗一个月、两个月之后，也慢慢适应了这里的生活。虽然孩子们什么也听不懂，只是呆呆着坐在教室里再回家，但最起码可以作为旁听生上学了。我们也上了专门教宣教士语言的学校，开始一点点地学习生疏的葡萄牙语了。
可是，有一天，待我们像家人一样的韩国人家里，从韩国来了一位客人。此人在韩国是一般教会的执事，以前在巴西生活过，跟这家人关系特别好。为了做生意，此人再次来到巴西，暂时住在了这里。我们在家里做礼拜，刚开始他挺喜欢，也参加了，可一听说我们属于好消息宣教会，就马上变了。他对那家人说了很多我们的坏话，让他们开始怀疑我们，挑拨了我们的关系。
我们跟他们亲如一家人地生活了十个月，撒但却通过这个人的造访做了工。听了不信的声音后，那家的女主人最终让她家的保姆把我们使用的教会用品全都搬到了我们住的公寓前。这等于是把我们赶了出来。听到公寓门铃响后，我下来一看，我们在那家使用过的电子琴、黑板等礼拜用品，全都堆在了一起。不久前，我们还像一家人一样亲密无间地生活在一起，不过短短几天，这算怎么回事啊？此情此景，让我深受打击。
本来我是沾枕头就着的人，但从那天起，我开始失眠了。整整三天，我一直睡不着觉。我为遭到背叛而伤心，感到眼前一片茫然，特别伤心、痛苦。不管怎么说，这是神让我们不要再停留在那里，对我们进行的另一个训练。就像母鹰训练小鹰飞翔一样，这是神教导我们走出安逸的巢窝，到空中翱翔的过程。
满是蟑螂，连下脚的地方都没有——“是神这么做的！”
此后，神让我们搬家到了一个名叫“伻海兹罗”的韩人村。当时我们住在公寓里，但那里不能做礼拜，我们需要找到一个可以用作礼拜堂的房子。我们去找过很多韩国人，给他们传福音。但人们只要一听我们宣教会的名字，就躲避我们，再不见我们了。要想找到房子，得有人给我们提供担保才行，但在这种情况下，没有一个给我们作保的人。
我对房产中介的人说。
“除了神之外，我没有任何担保人。”
在这过程中，我去看了一个房子。打开那家的房门一进去，妻子吓得连连后退。地上仰面朝天地躺着无数只死蟑螂。我心想，是神让这个房子里躺满了蟑螂，让别人都不想要这个房子。直到我们来为止，这个房子空了相当长的一段时间。
听说，以前有人把这个房子出租给别人，当小饭店使用了。那个人搬走后，他们喷了蟑螂药，做了防害虫措施。一段时间后，从下水道到家里的所有蟑螂都出来，死在了外面。从走廊、客厅到房间里，到处都是蟑螂，根本没有下脚的地方。看起来，似乎没有一个人想进到这个房子里来。
因为这个房子已经空了很长时间租不出去，所以房东二话不说，直接让我们交三个月押金来代替担保人，跟我们签了合同。我们一家人可以居住的房间、厨房、客厅，还有停车场……最重要的是，这里有非常适合作礼拜的空间，我们可以立即当作礼拜堂来使用。神让我们搬到这里后，也让我们挂上了一个小小的“圣保罗好消息教会”的牌匾。这里是很多韩国人的聚居地，我们经常可以见到韩国人，但由于把我们视为异端的移民社会的特殊性，人们看待我们的目光并不友善。他们不断地藐视、逼迫着我们……虽然这不是我的本意，但我们教会在韩人社会变得越来越有名。
在监狱一样的环境里，话语成了唯一的好消息
来到圣保罗将近一年时，我们度过的第一个圣诞节，是我终生难忘的圣诞节。虽然是庆祝耶稣诞生的圣诞节，但礼拜堂里除了我们一家，再没有别人。似乎在这里宣教十年，也不会有人得救似的，而且在学习语言方面，我们也遇到了极限。“巴西圣保罗”在我心里成了“令人讨厌的该死的保罗”。笑容从我的脸上消失了，我在巴西连一分一秒也不想再待下去了。我的体重从来宣教时的77Kg，减少了14kg，衣服变得又肥又大，完全没法穿了。我的生活和心灵都疲惫至极，每天都压力山大，我和妻子争吵不断。我被越来越浓重的失望和绝望的阴影笼罩着。
一方面，我心里开始疑惑：“用钱都解决不了的永住权的问题，以及找房子的问题，神都帮助我们了，可神为什么不允许人们得救，建立教会呢？为什么人们明明喜欢我们教会，却又总是离开呢？”我心里开始更累了。就像被囚禁在监狱里一样，我心里找不到一丝希望的光芒，只能哼哼呻吟。
成为光的话语“仰望铜蛇，就必得活”
一天，从韩国寄来了包裹，是录有朴玉洙牧师主日礼拜话语的磁带。现在我们可以自由地登陆网站听宣教会的话语，但在1999年，我们主要还是依靠从韩国寄来的磁带听朴牧师的主日礼拜话语。我心里太难了，便听了听朴玉洙牧师的话语。牧师讲了记载在《民数记》21章里的铜蛇的话语。这是我非常了解，并且也讲过很多次的话语。但那天我竖着耳朵听了话语，话语深深地打动了我的心。话语仿佛在对被火蛇咬伤、濒死的我的心呼喊：“仰望铜蛇，就必得活。”
话语成了我心里唯一的好消息，并让我明确地看到了我该怎样生活，以及日后该如何生活。我意识到不断努力想要改变环境的我，就像是为了不被火蛇咬，而拼命挣扎的人一样。话语让我认识到这一切都是徒劳的。应许的话语在只跟环境反应、痛苦地生活着的我心里成为了一道光。
从“侍奉神生活”挪移到“只侍奉神生活”
无比惊奇的是，之后，环境依然还是那么难，但我的心完全不同了。话语让我带着“凭借耶稣，以及凭借福音生活”的心，重新振作了起来。神把我带到了巴西这个旷野，让我认识到若没有神，我所熟悉的一切都是无益的。
雅各只有使用妈妈为他准备的，才能得到祝福。雅各蒙到的祝福，绝对不是出自他的能力和他的条件。神对我也是这样，直到我只依靠教会和引导者所准备的，只接受话语和引导生活为止，神一直没有做工。我是若没有神的恩典，绝对不可能笑出来的人。神把我放到了若不是神，再没有其他可依靠的位置，让我走上了只相信话语的道路。
巴西是把我的生活和灵魂，从“侍奉神生活”挪移到“只侍奉神生活”的最蒙福的国家。
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